How do we teach our children how to value others that are different from them?

I’ve spent the past days quiet, trying to pull from my heart how I want to say the most important thing I can say about supporting antiracism for our children’s growing brains, and here’s the best I can do at this moment:

THE WAY TO VALUE OTHERS IS TO LOVE AND HOLD THEM IN YOUR LIFE.

This week I shared a meager bit about how I view antiracism through my lens of Optimal Brain Growth, and how we practice antiracism in our home (with humility—I’m not an expert on race or racism; I just know about what the developing brain needs and how antiracism is a set of skills that needs to be practiced just like language, music & art).

The thing I can’t get around is this: we can read the most beautiful books, study (not appropriate—STUDY) the world’s greatest music and art, we can and must use our resources including time, money and energy to support antiracist causes... but I don’t see any way that we can EMBODY antiracism and love of Black people, and prevent antiblackness, if we don’t have loving relationships with Black people in our own life.

Here’s the single most important way that I as white mother embody love & Realism (and practice antiracism) with my white children: by HAVING LOVING RELATIONSHIPS with our Black friends.

Nothing about our loving relationships with our Black friends is *any more or any less perfect* than our loving relationships with our non-Black family & friends. We share ourselves deeply, we listen and hold them deeply, we make mistakes, we repair, we grow. Because we love.

Ibram X Kendi said today that when asked why he does his work, he says it is “because I love”.

So to tie together this week I needed to try to put this into words and ask of you, of all of us, to observe whether we & our children live in authentic, loving relationship with our Black friends & loved ones.

This is what I know about the child’s beautiful, growing brain: it LOVES WHO IT IS ALLOWED TO LOVE, and is shaped by that, daily, above all else.

#optimalbraingrowth #growingbrains #antiracism #practicelove

The basis of connection and empathy is found in RHYTHM

Before there was language, there was music: synchronized movement & sound. . Why synchronized? Because rhythm brings us together in time (to the beat), and in emotion (emotional synchrony, or empathy). RHYTHM CONNECTS US, and enables true cooperation.

And yes I’m sharing the music and spiritual leadership of Baba Ras D because he has been teaching antiracism to our children and communities for decades... but I’m also choosing him because he represents the original instrument (after the human body & voice) to bring us together in rhythmic synchrony: the drum.

(Look how my daughter didn’t want to drum on this day, so she just put herself beside him to feel the rhythm and receive connection? To me, that’s music!)

So for those of you who are working on building antiracism skills in your children and your home, I’m not being metaphorical when I say LEARN TO MAKE MUSIC TOGETHER—I mean it quite literally.

Your child needs to learn to empathy and cooperation through rhythm arts so that their brain has those skills in life.

And for advanced-level skills, they need to *experience AND PRACTICE the complex rhythms of the world, which not only increase cultural literacy and love of beauty... but also just optimize brain functioning and stave off disease*.

THE BRAIN EVOLVED FOR RHYTHM, BECAUSE RHYTHM ENABLES CONNECTION AND COOPERATION.

Now that you are working on building antiracism skills and supporting Optimal Brain Growth, tell me: what rhythm skills does your child have? Do they dance when a good beat comes on? Do they listen and respond to their ensemble members? So they have an ear for the sophisticated rhythms of Africa, Latin America, India? ALL👏🏽 OF👏🏽 THIS👏🏽 is practice for antibias and empathy!

#theseareskills #rhythm #brainscience #findrhythmbuildconnection #musicforgrowingbrains #musicforbraindevelopment #optimalbraingrowth #growingbrains #rhythmiskey #antiracism #antiracistchildren #kidsmakemusic #listening #cooperation #empathy #dcartists #dcmusic #dckids #dcparents #parentingforgrowingbrains #youarenotalone #imhereforyou #parentcoach #brainbasedparenting

Why (and how) do we choose our children's books for antiracism?

Once you know that your child’s brain sees color and develops preferences based on how the world and people are presented to it, you can think more about what you as a parent present, and how.

One of the most important ways we present the world to children is through books—the ones we read to them, and to ourselves. (Focusing on books today because they have a strong, daily, visual storytelling component... I’ll talk about music & art next!)

In my house we present books that represent authors, characters & stories different from us—because they are BEAUTIFUL, they represent our own friends, our own city & world... and because they help us become the compassionate, LITERATE people that we are. I just grabbed a few of my kids’ all-time favorites that are on our shelves right now to share here! (There’s TONS of resources & lists with recommendations. I’ll include a couple below but sometimes you want to start with a few books that come from a friend. So here’s a few of ours).

I want to say something important about the meaning of these books to me and my white children: these are among *my children’s favorite books and authors, period*. Not their favorite “books on race”—their favorites overall. This is important to me to share, because I’m hearing many people right now feeling a strong urge to educate on race & justice, which is very good and necessary, and I want us to also remember the value of books as inherently teaching BEAUTY, REALITY, and CULTURAL LITERACY. **Teaching this means shaping our children’s brains to have a preference (unconscious bias) for diversity, reality, and cultural beauty.** This has always been, and will remain, my top educational priority as a parent. (Right now, as my older child studies the current events, she is expressing gratitude for this).

We are supporting our children's Optimal Brain Growth when we let them develop THE SKILLS OF LITERACY, COMPASSION, LOVE OF BEAUTY through stories. This will support antiracism in the family, without boxing authors & stories of color into just a category. THIS IS EDUCATION. It’s what the growing brain wants and needs.

Suggested resources:

Families must listen to DC author Jayson Reynolds on the Kojo Nnamdi show: https://thekojonnamdishow.org/shows/2020-06-01/kojo-for-kids-jason-reynold-talks-about-racism-and-the-protests

For more books: https://www.teachingforchange.org/tag/antibias

And: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2016/09/22/books/23racebooks.html?mtrref=m.facebook.com&assetType=REGIWALL

3 of the books that have most impacted me over the past few years are Isabel Wilkerson’s The Warmth of Other Suns, Robin Diangelo’s White Fragility, and Ibram X Kendi’s Stamped From The Beginning. There are many, many more, but for me as a white woman, these are absolute required reading.

#antiracism #antiracistparenting #optimalbraingrowth #growingbrains #thebrainseescolor #antiracism #antiracist #antiracistchild #brainscience #parentingforgrowingbrains #growingbrains #optimalbraingrowth