Pandemic parenting confession

101378676_10163622904655374_2299668757502492672_n.jpg

Has anyone else noticed that the pandemic is exposing—and exacerbating—some of the major paradoxes of parenting??

For example, it’s ALWAYS true that raising our children is the most beautiful, precious work... AND the most challenging & depleting. We love it with every cell of our being, and yes, there are moments when we dread it. . But NOW? It’s like that paradox is on steroids.

For me, the past couple of weeks have forced me to draw deep from my well of resilience. I thought I was just hitting a personal wall... but interestingly, I heard from many other parents that they were too. How about you?

If you’re feeling this paradox deeply these days, I want you to do this: say to yourself (or even out loud) the paradox you’re feeling. Name BOTH sides of it. (For example, today I said: “I really don’t want to do this today... AND, I’m SO grateful that I can”).

Both are true. Both are valid. When I name them BOTH, I’m not hiding from my pain behind false positivity. But I’m also not failing to recognize and feel my deep gratitude for our safety, our love and our joy. I’m just giving myself my complete, honest truth. . When we can be honest about the paradox, it somehow feels a little lighter.

And it’s only then—when we can live with our own paradoxes—that we can teach our children how to understand and live with theirs. 💙💙 .

What’s true for you today?

#optimalbraingrowth #growingbrains #yogaforgrowingbrains #behonest #strengthandresilience #skillfulparenting #parenting #pandemic #dcparents #dckids #youarenotalone #imhereforyou

Sound, Movement + Rhythm: A framework for growing brains and healing bodies

For the past 2 decades, all of my scientific research and teaching is founded on a simple framework: supporting Optimal Brain Growth and Healing through these fundamental tools:

SOUND + MOVEMENT + RHYTHM.

Every scientific paper I’ve published, and every talk I’ve given, and every workshop I’ve lead has been based on these 3 pillars of brain growth.

SOUND is important to the human brain, even before birth. And it’s worth noting that sound is accessible not only through the ear, but through touch (think of feeling vibrations). It’s important to know that D/deaf people have access to characteristics of sound, through non-auditory senses. Sound conveys extremely important information, from the emotional content of someone’s voice, to the source location of people and other things in space, to timing—knowing when to anticipate the next beat in the music, or when it’s your turn to speak. Musical sound contributes to improvements in self-regulation and learning in school—in fact, from my perspective, music education is one perfect example of what school should really be. Sound also heals, and developing our sensitivity to sound (good listening skills), is one important path to healing.

MOVEMENT is absolutely critical to brain development, because frankly, it’s what the brain evolved for. The brain’s job is to move the body and accomplish the goals of survival. But it turns out that the benefits of movement go far beyond that—extending to all aspects of our experience including, at a very basic level, our learning. My own research on babies showed that moving their bodies determined how they learned to hear, and recognize, a beat. So movement is not just for finding our next meal, escaping a predator or staying fit—it’s inextricably linked to our learning. Movement also heals brain and body—we are not meant to be sedentary, and we function optimally when we find meaningful movement.

The third pillar is what brings sound and movement together: RHYTHM. The rhythms that we hear and feel in sound are what direct our brains to move our bodies together in time—and ultimately, to find connection and cooperation. Without rhythm, we would lose much more than just music. We’d lose our abilities for synchronization, turn-taking, and collective action. We rely on rhythm in many aspects of our life as humans, and it’s not unique to us. All living organisms (even single-celled ones!) depend on detecting rhythms in the environment and responding appropriately.

But in music and dance, we experience the epitome of our brain’s capacity for complex rhythm. We hear seasoned musicians playing polyrhythms—multiple beat structures at once—with origins from Africa. We see infants bouncing to the beat of music before they can even crawl! And we witness the ability for rhythm to get inside the brain and body at times when we’re afraid we’re losing someone: the patient with Parkinson’s begins to walk smoothly again; the person with Alzheimer’s comes back to life and communicates with us again; the dangerously premature infant in the NICU survives another day because she was held and rocked to a gentle beat—just enough to settle her nervous system into safety again.

My SOUND + MOVEMENT + RHYTHM framework is my answer to the question: what does it look like to provide optimal support for brain growth and healing?

After 20 years of researching, teaching and working with organizations in the arts, education and healing, I can summarize what I believe is necessary for children’s growing brains in three words: sound, movement, and rhythm. Rhythm brings our sensory experience (e.g., sound) and our movement experience together—which I believe is precisely why our brains evolved for rhythm.

It's For Your Child To SURVIVE And THRIVE.

The rhythm & connection you have with a child is one-of-a-kind, and it starts from the beginning together.

baby zora in allison's arms.JPG

Throughout the world and human history, caretakers have sung to their babies and rocked them to the beat, primarily to create the bond that allows the dependent infant to survive and thrive. This bond is based on RHYTHM & CONNECTION—that is, this rhythm and connection is a tool for the child's survival.

Hear that: the special rhythm you find to connect with your child—each individual child—is for the child to SURVIVE AND THRIVE.

It helps to know that the brain network responsible for perceiving rhythm (like feeling the beat in music), is also responsible for us synchronizing our bodies to the music, connecting to each other, and cooperating with each other.

So: Want cooperation from your child (or partner)? Come back to that rhythm, and keep building your connection. IT'S NOT TOO LATE—your brains are wired for it.

I’m here to help you.

Here’s one easy and reliable way to get back into that groove together—find a live music/arts performance, and go experience it together. Doesn’t matter if it’s at Lincoln Center or at your local farmer’s market… just choose some live music to hear together, and really take that moment to connect. The rhythm of the music will creep in, and remind you of the connection you share.

Follow on Instagram @growing_brains.

#findrhythmbuildconnection