If you know me by now, you know that I’m a firm believer in the power of observing our children and trusting the cues they give us. This post is about how to follow those cues—specifically, I want to talk about when your child let’s you know that there’s a “window of opportunity’.
The window that just opened in my home was a window for music study that my 4-yr-old son cued me to. We have a lot of music in our home, but I don’t have rigid expectations about what they “should” be doing with music, or by what age. I focus on exposing them to musicians and music arts, and watching to see what they respond to.
When they respond to something, it means they are “sensitive” to it. That’s why we sometimes call these “sensitive periods” for learning things like music, languages, and other activities that rely on the brain’s sensory and motor systems. The sensitive period doesn’t just mean they are noticing something—rather, it is signaling to us that there is something in the activity that their brain-body system NEEDS.
When a child is ready for something that they need, they let us know.. and if we follow their cue, we can enter in together. And help them meet their needs.
So how did this window open for my 4-yr-old? By which I mean, how did I know he was ready to practice with concentration, and learn to *really listen*?
Here’s how: when we talked casually about different instruments, he asked for drums. He was SURE he wanted drums, (due in no small part to the fact that he admires a certain DC drummer, by the name of Dante’ Pope… aka Father Rhythm in my children’s musical, Finding Rhythm!)
Here’s the thing: I don’t need to worry about whether drums are the “right” instrument for him, or what style of music is best... because none of that matters now. The ONLY thing that matters is that my boy showed me that he was ready to enter into a new sensitive period, for music.
And RHYTHM!
The sensitive period means that the brain is ready to be shaped by music in important ways. A window has opened—and when that happens, the right time to step in is NOW. When I follow his cue and step in as he’s ready, then I’m really supporting him to find his rhythm, get lost in concentration with music, and learn how to *really listen*.
So now let’s talk about you, and your child. I do have a lot of knowledge about how music shapes the brain, and what the growing brain needs—and I’ll always be happy to talk with you about those things. That’s my passion!
And it’s just as important to know that I’m as always going to guide you towards asking not just what is the best music form/instrument or the best age to start lessons... but asking: “what is my child signaling that they’re ready for?”
Because there is always a way to let music and movement shape your child’s brain... but we want it to be in the ways and in the moments that their brain NEEDS it. It’s not the same from one child to another, or from this moment to the next.
In other words: I’m going to ask you to observe your child. When we combine careful observation with good support and timing? Then we have a recipe for musical success, and Optimal Brain Growth!
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In a live video for my private group Optimal Brain Growth For Your Child, I talked about how to know when your child is really ready to become a student of music, as well as the importance of 1) a musical model (that is, a slightly older/ more advanced child), and 2) a musical mentor (the person who teaches them).
One great question that came up during that live was about accessibility—as music lessons and instruments can be very expensive. Here’s the thing: they don’t have to be. And when it comes to learning the key foundational skills of the musical brain, more expensive does NOT always equal better.
(I can’t emphasize this point enough, and I also can’t resist making this side note: while the price of lessons can indicate quality, you must always ask the question: quality in what skills? Just as an example, high-level lessons in classical music will foster certain skills very, very well—like music reading, rehearsal and complex harmonic structures, but it may not be the best source of certain other skills—like improvisation, complex rhythmic structures, and non-Western instruments and musical forms.)
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In summary, remember: when your child’s brain is asking for music, “what” is less important than “when”. Timing matters! You can start to build those foundational skills, no matter what instruments you do or don’t have.
Also, YOU don’t have to have the skills or knowledge for your child to become musical. Finding a model and/or mentor—even if it’s just a schoolmate or family member—will be a massive source of motivation & passion, ability & confidence for your child. (Not to mention, taking the pressure off of you!!)
So when you see that your child’s ready, start with those foundational skills, and they will be well on their way to building a more musical—and stronger—brain.
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#helpyourchildthrive #pandemicparenting #optimalbraingrowth #growingbrains #parentcoaching #skillfulparenting #dontgetintheway #youarenotalone #imhereforyou